


hold me like the night sky

by The_Otter_Knight



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: :), Alternate Universe, Established Relationship, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Ouch, it's unclear which connor it is hence the tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-03-06 06:30:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18845548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Otter_Knight/pseuds/The_Otter_Knight
Summary: Caleb is one of the worst distractions to have in a building they've decided to scout but he also happens to be Connor's favourite.





	hold me like the night sky

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SecretlyADog](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecretlyADog/gifts).



> " **Hold me like the night sky** holds the moon  
> Wrap me in your arms just like you do  
> Sing me something sweet and take me in  
> Lead me somewhere that I’ve never been  
> Stay with me  
> Stay with me"  
>  _-Anson Seabra's Stay With Me_

Connor could see the sunlight hit the speckles of dust as it floated through the air. For a moment, seconds too long and heartbeats too loud, he figured that this was a waste of time. There was far too much debris in the rooms and embedded in the floorboards, barely even stirred at his footfalls. There was scarcely any movement or disturbance in the rooms they had already cleared and in the hallways. Doubt began to settle on the inside of his ribs, thin and light. Perhaps it had just been a draft in the room after all that disturbed some loosely threaded curtains.

The RK800 ran his fingertips along a hallway windowsill, a little perturbed at the flaky feeling that settled along his skin. There was no resistance but the tracks had been clearly marked there. Connor let out a low breath and settled his gaze through the window. He could see their patrol car parked, sight obscured by how the building jutted out there.

Connor could only make guesses as to the infrastructure here and where each room was. The complex had been built before building blueprints were put into the database apparently, so he couldn’t even pull it up and estimate where each room was. At least there was so few floors to clear and with the pair of them they had made quick work of it.

He was infinitely glad that he had been paired with Caleb, an RK900, who had all but taken him under his wing. Of course, CyberLife hadn’t been pleased with how close they had gotten but they had worked well together but there had been no cause to split the pair of them yet, too efficient and resilient. Every mission the pair had been on had succeeded in some way or form, had provided enough evidence in each case.

Realistically, Connor knew that workplace relationships didn’t work out, but all thoughts often fled his mind when Caleb looked at him like that. It had been far too easy to slip into a personal relationship, to not even blur the lines but to erode it completely. He knew it was a mistake, that it could go south so damn fast, but by god would he repeat it again if he had the choice.

It was an assured fact that Connor loved him in all the ways he knew how, with every thrum in his blood and shudder of breath in his lungs. It was his choice to love Caleb as he did, not in how his own feelings happened but to go for what he wanted, to need to desire and long for so tirelessly. He could not imagine going without Caleb for a single moment when he had the decision to.

It was why he had made plans for tomorrow, why he had a box nestled in his collection drawer at their apartment, knew that Caleb had respected his privacy enough not to go prying. He had known that there had been a few too many deviants for the pair of them to catch, for the rest of the DPD to even consider. Eventually something would break, eventually rights would be given but barring that there was always Canada.

While they didn’t necessarily recognize androids as citizens they had allowed them refugee status and their own rights, could genuinely get married. Connor wanted to spend the rest of his natural life with Caleb and he genuinely believed and hoped that he would say yes when he proposed.

Caleb’s eyes immediately trailed towards him when he exited an unmarked room, the sign long since worn off. There was a sly twitch to his mouth, something friendly and kind and a little flirty even now. Connor was sorely regretting dragging him up here to check out the building, wanted to call it off and wander back out where the air was clear and he didn’t feel stifled.

Another part of him wanted to smudge that tilted smile off his face with his lips, to slip his hands up beneath his shirt and press him against the door. If it really came down to it, he could easily strip himself of his coat and lay it down. There was far too much dust and the floorboards too weak in places to support such a foolish idea, nevermind the fact that being pressed against a wall in an musky and battered complex probably wasn’t Caleb’s idea of romantic. Not that he probably would have minded, if the tell tale shift in his expression was anything to guess by.

Connor cleared his throat and looked away, cocked his head in the direction of where the hallway pitched right. He had been initially programmed to verify that the building was cleared before they made their way back out, to ensure that the culprit was truly and genuinely lost. No matter how weary or disorganized his thoughts was he couldn’t leave it uncleared.

Connor traced his fingertips along the wall as Caleb fell into line beside him, too close to be anything but intimate and uncomfortable in the best way possible. Caleb was determined to test his patience and self-restraint it seemed, had always managed to coax a side out of him that was usually better guarded.

There was only three rooms left in the hallway, the last and first door shut with the second slightly ajar. They had left the others open as they went through. There hadn’t been enough furniture in most rooms for them to hide behind, no beds to cower beneath and the closet doors all already pulled open. The few mattresses that he had seen were grungy at best and putrid at worst and if there would be any discrepancy in his deductible skills it would be his choice not to sample the molds. He’d respectfully rather save the buds on his tongue than endure that, especially for something that was probably a dead end.

“Connor,” and for every nick- or petname that Caleb has tried to garnish him with over the months they had known each other, he had vastly loved his own name the most. The way he rolled the r at the end, the click of his vowels. He enjoyed the way it was spoken against his skin, the dips of emotion that marked it. He liked how Caleb looked as he always said it, the subtle shift from pleasurable companionship to adoration, even the sleep-addled heavy look in the mornings. Although he knew quite well that it had less to the way it was spoken and all to do with who had said it.

There was a cheeky manner to the way he said, “Ladies’ first.”

Involuntarily there was a responding twitch of a smile and a fond and immediate eye roll. All the same he saddled up to the right side of the door and braced his shoulder against the frame, withdrew his gun and held it in his available hand while the other settled on the handle. The creak of the wood beneath his weight was a little worrying but he pushed that thought aside. “You ready?” he questioned, voice low.

Caleb’s eyes settled on him, kind and true. Connor would never have believed blue eyes could have been a comfort before, nevermind such an imposing height and yet here they were and never could he imagine anyone safer than the man before him. He would give him the world if he just asked, if it was in his capabilities to do so. The world hardly fell beneath an android’s feet and Connor doubted he could, so perhaps he would aim for the goal of making sure that he was happy. He couldn’t imagine his time better spent.

Caleb’s answer was a nod and a tightened grip on the gun and flashlight that he had. The latter wasn’t necessary but they had already gone through a couple rooms that had been boarded up and the natural light obscured. It had felt lonely and desolate but not unwelcoming just a slow stab of unease.

He slipped his hand onto the handle and twisted it sharply, swung the door open with a low ritchety groan. They had nearly perfected it enough for Connor to be able to step back and just out of the way for Caleb to slink through, to aim at the angle just beyond the door. Usually when he stood off to the side like this, it meant that Nines would have a better opportunity to dart through and catch possible perpetrators off guard given that Connor would be the first one that they saw most of the time.

Connor took to the right side while Caleb moved towards the left and checked the closet over there. Connor rummaged through the drawers there before deemed that it had already been picked through, that the dust was far too thick to be anything more than a hindrance rather than proof that anyone was there. The closest thing was tattered blankets in the corner but the smell of urine was too stale to be anymore more than a week old.

Connor gave the signal for the all clear before he sneezed. Caleb paused from where he had adjusted the curtain, face caught in a disgusted grimace and still present when he had turned to look at Connor. It was only when Connor sneezed again that he dropped the expression into a teasing grin, “That was cute, babe.”

Connor didn’t have the grace to feel embarrassed, let alone flustered, but the responding look he gave the blue-eyed android had his grin widening. Whatever he might have said died on his tongue, the words having gone still at the expression. He looked so at ease, always so compliant with whatever he wanted. Connor was near positive that he didn’t deserve him.

“You think whatever I do is cute,” he pointed out against his better judgement, voice low and pleased. Caleb’s responding hum was considering, his expression still at ease. He stepped close to pass him by, little to no resistance on Connor’s part when he involuntarily leaned towards him, let his fingers ghost along Caleb’s wrist. There wasn’t even a pause to consider before Connor’s fingers responded and tucked along Caleb’s, his own palm a secure weight.

“I’m not going to lie to you,” Caleb countered with a squeeze of his hand. Connor let out a soft sigh, knew it to be true. While Caleb had his own fair share of secrets, Connor did as well, and he had been more than honest about his feelings towards him. It was partially what had endeared the RK800 so strongly towards him, why he had sought security and warmth in him.. and found it.

Connor pressed Caleb’s knuckles to his lips, stirred a glance from the other android. There could be no words to express the shift in his demeanour, the slow trot to his step as he gave him a considering and tender look. There wasn’t much of a smile to his expression and truly some days such a feat looked odd on him, as if he wasn’t made for it, but it all faded the moment his face lit up, when the warmth was exposed within. Connor never wanted to take for granted the fact that Caleb trusted him with everything that he was, allowed him so close. Was it selfish of him to want his everything, to allow himself to keep everything given to him?

Connor let out a breath as he stepped closer, not close enough to be flushed against him but that was alright, it was enough. If he was an addiction then he was fairly certain he didn’t want to be cured, that he’d drown in Caleb if he let himself. CyberLife may have never approved of them together but his heart certainly did.

There was a pleased laugh from Caleb as he leaned in close and his warm hands slid to the back of his neck, brushed along his cheek teasingly as he did. Connor settled his hands along Caleb’s belt loops to pull him closer. It prompted a flash of teeth with the force of Caleb’s broad grin. He wasn’t satisfied with how close he was, not yet, but that could be easily rectified - even if Connor would miss the few extra layers of clothes. “Hah - a little eager, aren’t you, Connor?” Caleb’s words were almost a purr in his ear.

“Only for you, Nines,” he promised, felt the nickname rumble through his chest. Caleb shuddered against him, eyes half-lidded and eyes a little darker than before as a shudder all but rolled through him. The way he leaned into him was a little uneven, a little desperate and graceful all the same. Connor had no doubt in his mind that Caleb seemed intent to corner him and press him towards the nearest flat surface. Connor would voice and feel no complaints about the matter. “Can I kiss you?”

“Always,” came the whisper of the word against his lips. This close and he could see the individual lashes on his face, the differentiated facial markings that wasn’t shared between the RK800 and 900. He has always admired the firm strokes of his jawline, the structure of his nose but it was the hue of his eyes that he had always loved the most. Perhaps everyone could say the same about the eyes of whomever they loved.

There was a soft brush of Caleb’s nose against him and reflexively he curled his fingers tighter into the belt loops, as if to make sure he wouldn’t go. Connor was certain that he wouldn’t; Caleb wouldn’t intentionally do something to hurt him. If he had, it would certainly shatter the foundations of everything he knew. He has long since felt the truth in his bones, the surety in the way Caleb held him. Connor didn’t want to let him go; he couldn’t imagine living a single day without him. How strange it was to feel as though every movement and motion lead to meeting him, to falling in love with him.

Barely a breath away and a nearby floorboard creaked. Their response was immediate, his shoulders gone rigid and Caleb’s fingers flexed against the nape of his neck. For a painful moment he thought his heart had skipped a beat, tense beyond comprehension. If it was a human, it could be all over. They could be reported for their inappropriate behaviour or beaten right then and there. He exhaled and cast his gaze down the hallway back where they had came, moments too late he had realized it had came from the other end, behind the very last door. _Caleb?_

_I heard it too._

The connection was dropped the moment they broke apart. Frazzled but quickly settling his apprehension, Connor dropped his hand to his gun holster. Caleb had strode easily towards the final door, eyes narrowed and posture all but aggressive. Connor knew that while it was primarily founded in the interruption it was also based around the fact that someone _was_ here in a restricted building.

Connor’s eyes darted around, tried to find something that he had missed. No humans would have been so precise … had someone scaled the building? Or had they somehow managed to cover their tracks? If they spent enough time in the building, potential drafts could cover it… He frowned and hurried after him, dutifully settled to the right again. Caleb’s nod was curt and precise, a calm neutrality that he has almost always used in situations like these.

They both listened for a moment but no other movement followed. Had they heard them as well, had waited for them to make their move? Connor didn’t approve of hasty decisions like these but Caleb has always been impulsive of the two of them, would have wanted the threat neutralized. It was far too weighted to be anything less than to be a person, could not be dismissed as the shift of an elderly structure.

Connor braced his right hand on the knob and the left on his gun before he swung it open, arm stretched so that he was as far from the line of fire as possible. Caleb swung in first, gun raised and at the ready far quicker than it had before. A shot tore through the air during the split second that Caleb had faltered, his movements startled by the presence inside. A quick splatter of thirium darted through the air and Connor immediately froze, felt horror bleed through him. It was Caleb’s steady posture that had his heartbeat slow in his chest.

Connor peeked around him, mapped the layout of the room as quickly as he could, heartbeat a low echo in his ears. He has always done well in these scenarios - but usually as the first incentive, as a calming presence than in the actual crossfire. He settled the weight of his pistol into his left hand and paused to consider, recognized the presence of more than a single person in the room. He ran a scan and figured that only one of them had drawn a weapon, the others seemed to possess melee and were too far to impart any immediate damage.

Caleb’s responding shot missed and he cursed after it. He could see a flash of a familiar grey-toned jacket of another RK800 model, one of his predecessors. Connor wasn’t sure how to handle the situation, couldn’t fathom why Caleb would have aimed at the other Connor, especially given the brief glance at his serial number. Weren’t they supposed to have been friends?

No, he realized, probably not anymore. Not when he chose to ally himself with people with a threatening presence and who squatted in houses. That was beyond illegal. Which - well, perhaps they had done the same but they at least had the right to under certain situations.

The way that Caleb stood in the doorway meant that Connor couldn’t go through and offer his assistance in the stand off. Anxiety flooded his mouth but he stood stock still, at the ready a moment presented itself. There seemed to be no other way into the room and to trample down to the bottom floor then scale the building was a futile idea.

Another shot rang out but fortunately Caleb seemed all the wiser of where the RK800 seemed to aim. Moments too late he realized it was to maim or wound - never to kill. The RK800 had opened fire first, who else had he been expecting? Was he hiding from someone else?

Caleb had moved too quickly out of the way, too unexpectedly and exposed the other RK800’s face as the bullet made contact. In an instant, his predecessor’s wide eyes of guilt and horror trained on him. For a long and pronounced moment there was a stillness in the air before Caleb sucked in his teeth sharply, a low and hurried whistle before he whirled around with a pivot of his heel, crystalline eyes wide.

No other sound dared slice through the air, not until Connor coughed - then spluttered, wetter and slicker than before. A strange few seconds passed before he pressed his lips together, tried to swallow past the sudden thickness in his throat. There was no reason for him to breath but his chest felt tight, a thick pressure that continued to build.

A delirious moment passed where he wondered why his back was wet. That was the second that his knees buckled. Caleb’s hands barely managed to keep him upright, a secure weight against him and yet the world slid beneath him all the same. The pain hit him like a ton of bricks each time he inhaled, hot and tight and so dreadfully uncomfortable. The _[impending system failure]_ note blocked all the other error messages in his line of vision. The reality of the situation settled upon him thickly and sluggishly, a strange notion to him. He had been shot.

Connor knew he could die. As an android who could _feel_ and _love_ \- as a _deviant - he could die._ He hadn’t uploaded his memories recently - and even so, would that be _him?_ And Caleb, _oh god Caleb._ Brazenly he fumbled for his hand or wrist, anything to solidify the fact that he was there.

“Caleb?” He hadn’t realized his voice could sound like that. Caleb seemed at a loss on where to settle his hands, his face pale and expression grave and frightful. He moved his hands as if he had never been hurt, as if his shoulder didn’t pain him. Connor let out a winded wheeze, unable to thumb at the 900’s jacket, to put pressure there. He tried to say his name again but instead all he could taste was the clotting touch of thirium on his tongue.

Caleb’s motions were panicked as he moved to help him sit upright, Connor’s shoulder pressed against his chest. He tried to make sense of his error messages and filter them out. He didn’t want _the last fucking thing he saw to be blocks of red text._

His diagnostics scan immediately reported the catastrophic failure and the estimated time remaining. Connor figured he had to give credit where it was due - evidently a .38 caliber pistol could still present lasting damage to an android. Near the thirium pump was the most vulnerable, so at least his aim was true. Painful or not, the other Connor had ensured it would be quick.

“Caleb,” he gargled out, unable to keep quiet the wheeze that followed after. He rasped his tongue against the top of his mouth, tried to stem down the nausea that beat at him unexpectedly. His vision lurched and he closed his eyes, felt Caleb’s respondent shaking of his shoulders. Connor’s breathing came a little bit easier and freer and distantly he knew that was very much a _bad_ thing but the pain had gone with it for the moment, had lessened to something almost forsakenly comfortable. There was a tremble of his lip but not in his voice when he tried to continue, “Cal-...eb.. You know I love you, don’t you?”

“Of course,” the response came too easy, too quick, but he had been honest earlier when he said that he would not lie to him, never about that. “Of course I know, I always have -” There’s an edge to his voice, insistent and sharp and so pained. Connor had never wanted to pain him, never like this, had never imagined it in the realm of possibilities.

Perhaps he hadn’t known enough to make a difference after all. He should have known better, predicted more outcomes and chances before he executed the plan, before he let Caleb go ahead. He should have had them pronounce their presence, explained that they were the police and that they were coming in or that they wanted them to come out with their hands visible and raised. Connor shouldn’t have stood behind Caleb, should have figured that he’d have moved out of the way. He should’ve been on the left and while they both knew he wouldn’t have preferred to shoot, not like how the left always did, he would have. He would have protected Caleb at all costs. He had made so many mistakes and he didn’t want Caleb to bear the consequences of it.

It was too late to apologize, too many things to apologize _for._ He didn’t want Caleb to misunderstand, nor to express his thoughts through an interface. He … didn’t have the energy for that, couldn’t be able to sustain the power it would take to do it. It was worrying enough that the pain had already began to numb, would have been more so if his proverbial doomsday clock was anything to go by. He knew enough from his own manual to know that he couldn’t process the pain if there wasn’t enough bloodflow to alert him to it - androids were designed to perform to the best of their capabilities, weren’t even _supposed_ to feel pain.

Connor gratingly inhaled slowly, fought for the right words to say. “I - I love you so much,” he managed to repeat, voice hoarse. He could still detect the lines of programming there - if he shut it off, defaulted to the neutral android voice then he could save a bit of power, last a little while longer. He didn’t want to go, not yet, not ever. Not in front of him. “So much. I’m sorry - I’m sorry I should have - should have told you a lot more than I did - I love you and I - I don’t -” _I don’t want to leave you, burden you with so much pain._ He sucked in a breath through his teeth, winced at the firmer pressure applied to both his front and back. _It’s futile,_ he wanted to say. _It’s no use and I’m so sorry for that fact. I’m so sorry that I have to go._ “I don’t want to go,” his voice broke on the last word and Caleb all but tensed around him.

He wanted to apologize for making him come along, to suggest that they check this building out. If he hadn’t glanced over towards the building on their way back to the car they wouldn’t have had to deal with this, Caleb wouldn’t have had to watch him die. To _literally_ have him die in his arms. He didn’t deserve that.

Connor had only wanted to make him happy. So what the hell was this? _What was this?_

“Don’t say that,” there was a command in his voice, strong and fierce despite the dips and grooves of emotional distraught there. Caleb could not lie to him, not when Connor had been programmed to recognize it, not when he knew him so personally well. “ _Don’t say that_ , you’re going to be okay, you’re not going anywhere. Alright? Connor - look at me -” he moved one of his hands from his back to cup his face. He could feel the tackiness on his palms, saw the involuntary left-right flicker of Caleb’s eyes as he acknowledged then dismissed it, ignorant to what it meant. “You have to trust me.”

His determination had always endeared him but now it only made him ache. Connor regretted not saying ‘I love you’ as often as he should have but there was nothing else - it would have hurt too much emotionally to regret anything else. Too much energy and time wasted on thoughts and situations he couldn’t fix. _I planned to spend all my time on you,_ he considered saying. _I was saving up money so we could make a break for it. I wanted to marry you and spend every day falling in love with you over again._

“I trust you,” he promised, voice dipping lower and quieter. The seconds ticked down and yet … he wasn’t afraid anymore, wasn’t anxious about what was to come. He wanted Caleb to be okay without him, to not struggle with his passing. He didn’t want to leave him, didn’t want to be left alone, not when his very scent was what grounded him, “I trust you with everything that I am. I love you.” Connor repeated it in his head, knew the words to be true, hoped that Caleb could feel it.

Caleb moved and like a ragdoll in his arms Connor moved with him, prompted a shaky gasp and even raspier exhale. His thoughts swayed with the pull of the world and the force of gravity - the low echo of Caleb’s heartbeat nearby. He closed his eyes, heard Caleb’s echoing response, stiff and quiet and broken. Connor curled his fingers in the front of the other’s shirt. His gaze slid unfocused upwards to where Caleb’s own watched him, uncertainty and anguish bright in his eyes. It had been his favourite colour.

If he had the energy he knew he would have cupped his face, would have trailed his fingertips along his cheekbones, peppered his faces with kisses in the lazy afternoon sun. He can’t ever do that again. He was just … so tired. Would it be okay if he slept a while?

“Please don’t.” Caleb’s voice slipped through the lazy fog of his thoughts. Connor blinked his eyes open again, wondered when he had closed them. “You know you can’t sleep, not right now. You have to stay awake.” There was a plea hidden in the coils of his voice, in the tension in his muscles and the way he held him. Connor blinked slowly at him, only came to when he was jostled ever so slightly, a sharp ping of alarm ran through him. “Connor!”

“...Not yet. Won’t sleep, not yet.” He still had a minute. He didn’t to waste it by _napping._ He blinked a little more rapidly, thoughts a little haphazard but clear. His mouth didn’t move as fluidly as he wanted it to, as he knew it was capable of - his body had resorted to a fruitless attempt of self-preservation, had given up on more than a few things. Connor had already barricaded what he hadn’t wanted to give up, what programs he wanted to keep running, even if it drained him.

Caleb’s eyes turned from him just once, his head tilted up and away. Connor took that moment to blink, to try to wade through the cobwebs that his mind tried to collect. Everything felt so fuzzy, so distant, as if it were happening to someone else. He knew it wasn’t, wouldn’t have given this up for anything. Caleb said something - the words not directed towards him, dismissable and … could he sleep, just for a little while? He repeated his thanks the moment Caleb turned back to him, face tight with desperation and resignation.

His voice drifted through. No. Not his. The other Connor’s. His face didn’t pop up over Caleb’s shoulder though, he didn’t drag himself over, didn’t speak any words directed towards him. All the same he struggled to face him, all but rolled his head on his spine to do so. He looked so apologetic, so pitying. _Please don’t hurt him. Please don’t -..._ He wasn’t sure if it was sent, if it was received but he had tried and that was all he could do in the moment.

“Connor?” Caleb’s fingers traced along his face and then he was looking at him, gazes caught. The world swayed with the motion and he felt his focus slip like a boat on the coastline. Connor recalled dimly that Caleb liked fish, that he had liked the vibrancy and the stripes and spots, that they had gone on an aquarium date before, that he had wanted to go again. Connor had loved to see the water reflect off of his face, the awe and unbridled joy on his face as he watched them swim about. Connor had known he had loved him then.

Caleb’s lips are against his and for a moment his mind can’t process the shift. For all the hard edges that Caleb was made of, the way he had looked at Connor had always been soft, the synthetic skin against his had always had been. The love Caleb had expressed towards Connor was so blinding but the fall from grace has always been a peaceful one. Falling had never been so easy than it had been for Caleb. It’s soft and it’s wet and there’s smears of blue when he pulled away and for once Connor can’t read what he’s expressing or thinking.

“I’ll miss you.” Wherever he would go, whatever he would become, he would miss him. He never wanted to forget him, wanted the world to feel his love for Caleb in whatever shape or form he took after. Even if he became nothing, he hoped that the world knew and felt it. “I … don’t regret meet-...ing you.” Even when it lead to this, even if all outcomes did. Never would he pick anything else. It had been worth it. He hoped Caleb understood that.

“You were the best thing to happen to me.” Caleb kissed him again and again, as if the action might breath life into him. Connor loved him for trying, loved him anyways. He would always love him and he had dreaded the day that that would become false. He had never been able to imagine it and perhaps this had been why.

Connor wanted to thank him for staying, for loving him for as long as he did. He wanted to tell him to move on, to find someone else someday, to find a purpose with his life. Maybe one day the next best thing would come along. Connor just hoped that Caleb wouldn’t hesitate to meet it - but also some part of him selfishly wished otherwise. In the end he just wanted him to be happy no matter what that would mean.

Connor felt Caleb shift him, all but on his lap at this point but Connor hadn’t imagined anywhere else he’d rather be. He had always wanted to be with Caleb just … he hadn’t imagined it quite like this. The other android’s hand settled on his head, ran his fingertips through his hair. Connor all but leaned into the touch, into him. The gesture had always been one he had enjoyed, something so soothing and gentle about it. Caleb had not forgotten. Would he one day forget him? There was a stutter in Caleb’s strokes then before they resumed.

Connor was just so exhausted, could feel it in his bones. Unlike before, he could hardly offer the same to Caleb. Before he had spent his time with him tangled up in the sheets and languid stroking or with cuddles, had basked in his presence. In a way he still was but it slipped far too easily through his fingers, his mind lost more than found. There had alway been the promise of waking up next to each other, of a new day and a new beginning. He could hardly ask Caleb to be there when he woke up - there was no logical way that was possible, not even if they begged CyberLife.

He almost wanted to repeat his affections again - but repeating them didn’t indicate dishonesty, there was no falsehood that he protected. He has meant it every time that he has said it and again when it left his lips, because he would not deny him that truth, this last moment to say it. His movements were slow as he tried to find Caleb’s hand and all too easily and readily aligned their palms. He was too weak to completely steeple their fingers together but Caleb said nothing about it, so perhaps it had been enough. Perhaps he always had been.

“‘M sorry.” Connor let out a slower exhale, let his eyes close for a few moments and then longer than that. “So … so sorry… ‘m … so exhausted… I might - sleep.. For a little while. Not yet.” But he will, he won’t be able to stop it. They’re too far for help and the shot too fatal. He might have had a chance but it had gone straight through, hadn’t even given him a _chance._ Not yet, he thought. He didn’t want to lose him just yet - to lose himself.

Caleb didn’t offer anything to that, just pressed him closer, his warmth a beacon even now as he pressed his tacky lips to his temple. Connor let out a steady exhale. It wasn’t okay, maybe never would be in any situation, but someday he sincerely hoped that Caleb would be. Connor sucked in a shaky breath, more of a motion to assure Caleb than himself. Connor was still there.

“Nines?”

“...Yeah?”

“Can you … talk … about anything. Just want to hear..-”

The RK900’s rhythmic breathing was far more thereauptic than he had taken note of. He hadn’t minded just letting his head rest there on his chest to listen to it, to Caleb’s heart beat beneath, to know that Caleb had trusted him with that. It had always been so easy to fall asleep against him like that, or to listen to him speak or just chat about anything at all. It had felt like it was just them, isolated from the rest of the world. For those few precious moments they had been the only ones who had mattered.

“...There’s an ice cream place a street over from our apartment, and I actually managed to see Gavin when he came back from it, dumbass got some peanuts… it has the ice cream you like, the one you always steal from me…” There was a shaky teasing tone to his voice, something a bit forceful and watery but Connor could pretend that he didn’t notice.

Connor said nothing about the proclamation, had actively snatched the ice cream on numerous occasions, had only done it for Caleb’s reaction. The way Caleb would scout around for him the moment Connor had managed to safely hide away with it. Caleb had always gone looking for him when he had taken it. He had always been able to depend on him to do that.

“-nevermind the movie theatre. I think they’re playing that remake of Titanic but there’s been nothing but trashy reviews, but it might be something that you-

“-at the swimming pool. I never did manage to get you to wear a swimsuit and yet _you’re_ always telling _me_ -

“-do a bit of all that but we don’t have to kiss each other goodb-”

Connor’s nods to assert his listening skills slowly began to patter off, his mind and body not even numb at that point. His systems kept trying to alert him to something but all he could think about was summer nights spent beneath the stars, unable to make wishes because he had everything he could ever want or need. It had always been Caleb.

Even as his consciousness slipped from him, he had been thankful that he was there, that he had had the chance to love him. He just hoped that Caleb understood that.


End file.
